Saturday, March 3, 2012

Malaysia – The land of the experts

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People have been talking about Malaysia having a big problem with human capital. They say that we have a brain-drain problem. They say our education system is not producing smart students. And they say the country does not have enough talented people.

THEY ARE ALL WRONG. VERY, VERY WRONG.

Malaysia is actually teeming with geniuses and experts. We have so many outrageously intelligent people that we don’t know what to do with them. These are people whose brains are overflowing their skulls. And the best part is they are everywhere. At the parliament, at the coffee shops, at the football fields, at the roadside, at the universities, the list goes on and on.


WHO ARE THESE EXPERTS ?



Economic experts
People who can’t even balance their own cheque books yet have no qualms offering advice on how the nation’s finances should be administered. Porcupines who don’t even know the difference between Government bonds and James Bond yet have no qualms telling Bank Negara how to manage our foreign reserves. People who have never even sold a goreng pisang in their lives yet find it easy to tell how large businesses should be run.



Marketting experts
People who can’t even write a decent resume yet have no qualms preaching how MAS should reorganize its business. People who can’t even sell a kebab to a hungry Arab go on and on about how Tourism Malaysia should promote the country. Folks who failed at selling Cosway products but now try to teach other people how to sell their products.



Safety experts
People who know no shit about radiation yet go around advising others how the Lynas plant could kill a camel from 5 miles away. Dungoos who know nothing about geology yet have no misgivings lecturing engineers how to design their foundation. Folks who don’t know the difference between a handphone and a handjob go around dishing advice about how the electromagnetic radiation from the mobile phone can fry your brains.



Political experts
People who do not know the difference between parliament and palm oil will not hesitate to lecture you how elections should be conducted. Morons who have never voted in their entire lives have no qualms to preaching how you should vote. Not forgetting, the hundreds of when-are-next-elections predictors who continuously get their dates wrong.



Medical experts
These are the most numerous. All you have to do is just mention (quietly will do) about an ailment, there will a dozen Malaysians queuing up to dispense their medical wisdom. Balding? No worries – some geniuses will tell you that rubbing your head against a wall will regenerate hair growth. Erectile dysfunction ? No worries – some smart dickhead (pardon the pun) will tell you how eating goat’s testicle will take care of the problem. The most number of experts are in the “angin” department. Almost 1000 diseases and aches can be attributed to you having too much “angin”.


So there you go. Plenty of proof that the nation is teeming with geniuses. We are even smarter than R2D2. The brain drain in Malaysia is a myth.


Monyet King says
The mother (or father) of all experts ? Very easy. The geniuses who are entrusted to manage multi-million ringgit  cattle breeding project yet know shit about it. Now you know why cows end up in condos.

I know many experts. Do you ?




8 comments:

Lim Zhen Yu (Amos) said...

it is very true, this is the kind of attitudes I have and people around me have.

I find two quotes from Mother Teresa very inspiring,
Mother Teresa said,when you judge, you don't love.
Mother Teresa also said, we cannot do big things in life, we can only do small things with big love.


Judge not, but love, and do good work. --- people like me should bare this in mind...

Anonymous said...

Monyet king, I am an expert belacan maker but due to modernization and changes in eating habits human are consuming less belacan. My trade is dwindling.....Can help me promote and sell belacan to monyets

Monyet King said...

Amos,
TQ. Inspiring,indeed.

Cat-from-Sydney said...

Yeah...met many of these even at pasar malams. purrr...meow!

Monyet King said...

Cat,
actually the pasar malam is the epicentre of geniuses in Malaysia

Minyak Man said...

You forgot one more type,

Religous experts.
Well, they're not really experts per say since they would mostly just nod at everything their priest/ustaz/ulama would say. But they would be the first to riot or demo whenever someone goes againsts what their favorite preacher would say. And furthermore claiming things that aren't even in the big book just because some pol-lama (ulama politician) or ustaz said so.

They are in the business of kafir this kafir that, murtad this murtad that, hilang akidah lah (as if its a thing that people keep in their agama bags, and it falls right off whenever you think of something against the priest's opinion).

You see them shouting and screaming whenever there are issues such as
1. Homosexual rights - wait til one of their children turns gay and we'll see how sheepish they get
2. Quran burning - as if burning one copy of the quran would destroy the divine message
3. The word Allah - God cant be insulted, instead they got insulted just because a person decided to embrace their faith by painting his/her body with art
4. Rasul - so quick to deport a young man who twitted about the messenger, but took their sweet time deporting a suspected terrorist

And these people aren't going anywhere, they are here to stay. They cannot migrate to another country, what with the immoral activities going on in infidel heaven and suspecting every single thing they eat over there has pork or alcohol in it.

Nope, i dont see no brain drain.

Monyet King said...

Minyak Man,
You are right. There are plenty of religuous experts. They are so smart. Their brains are so big that it cannot fit inside their skulls - so they go around with their brains hanging outside. Very smart, very unstable.

MB said...

Zhen Yu,

Mother Theresa is stupid. Don't listen to her. Every person who has brain will judge another person, even he/she doesnt say it out loud.

Monyet species, probably don't judge, but even then I have doubt.