.
Putrajaya, 19 January. Triggered by the revelation by Professor Emiretus Khoo Kay Kim that Hang Li Po, Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat did not really exist, Monyet News Network has made its own shocking findings about errors in the official history of the nation. MNN history researchers, Dr Kultip Singh and Dr Robiah Yassin, have discovered gross inaccuracies in many historical events and personalities, after rummaging through the national archives and the archives in England, Netherlands, Portugal, China, India and Bangladesh.
According to Dr Rokiah Yassin, the former curator at the National Museum, the MNN team managed to gain access to many hitherto classified documents at the English, Dutch and Portugese national archives. “It was rather shocking to discover that the history that we grew up with was simply not true. How could we have been so careless?. It is so embarrassing. Now we have to go and rewrite all our history books”.
Some of the inaccuracies that Dr Rokiah uncovered include :
1.Parameswara was not a Hindu prince from Palembang and Parameswara was not his real name. He was a textile trader from Tamil Nadu and his real name was Sangglikaruppan Sinnasamy.
2.Contrary to popular belief that the local inhabitants of the Malay peninsula were Hindus during the 8th - 13th century, there is strong enough evidence that they were all Ewoks.
3.The 14th century Majapahit empire, which controlled most of Peninsular Malaysia and the Malay Archipelago, was originally known as the Majamanis Empire. After a series of bitter feuds and internal squabbles, the name was changed to Majapahit to remind its citizens of the bitter feuds.
4.Admiral Cheng Ho, the famed seafarer who was said to have visited and stayed in Malacca in the early 16th century, was not an eunuch. He just had a tiny d**k.
5.The Portugese did not conquer Malacca in 1511. It was the Bangladeshis. A troop of Bangladeshi pirates captured the Portugese armada before it could reach Malacca. Donning Portugese clothes and putting on a Portugese accent, they scared the locals into submission [have you heard a Bangladeshi speak with a Portugese accent ?].
6.Afonso de Albuquerque was actually Afas Albukhari, the leader captain of the Bangladeshi pirates.
7.Penang was established by Mohideen Rawther Kutty, an Indian Muslim money-changer from Kolkata who leased the island from the then Sultan of Kedah in 1785. Francis Light came much later and won the island from Mohideen through a game of poker.
8.Yap Ah Loy established a riverine settlement called Kuala Jernih in 1819. As the river became murkier with the advent of tin mining, he changed its name to Kuala Lumpur.
9.Under the Anglo-Dutch Treaty in 1824, the Dutch gave up Malacca to the British not in exchange for Bencoolen or Sumatra. They exchanged it for 5 barrels of beer and 18 local women.
10.James W.W. Birch, the British Resident of Perak, was not murdered in 1875. One evening he drank too much beer, fell into a river and drowned. There were wounds on his head because a tortoise bit him while he was drowning. Sepuntum, the local bloke, who was accused of the murder, was really a postgrad student studying the ecology of riverine tortoises.
11.The notion that Siam had to unfairly relinquish Kelantan to the British as part of the Anglo-Siam Treaty in 1909 is incorrect. The truth was the Siamese were so irritated by the antics of Nik Aziz, who was (already) the Menteri Besar of Kelantan then – that they voluntarily gave up the state to the British.
12.The Japanese did not surrender in 1945. They just went into hiding and resurfaced in 1980’s to build the many electronics factories that we see today. Some Japanese are still hiding.
Dr Kultip Singh who specializes on the post-British era history added “even the modern history about the formation of Malaysia, the issues with Singapore, Sabah and Sarawak are all wrong. I don’t know how we are going to explain all these to our children?”.
The inaccuracies discovered by Dr Kultip Singh include :
1.The Brookes of Sarawak were a bunch of bankrupts from England whose real family name was Broke. They were really broke, penniless. They made their fortune in Sarawak.
2.Sabah’s original name was Sa. When the British asked the locals “apa nama negeri kamu?’, the answer was always “Sa bah”. Hence the name Sabah stuck on.
3.The 1963 union between Sabah and Malaya was based on a 22-point agreement. During the signing ceremony, someone spilled coffee over the agreement and untill today, no one really knows what the 21st and 22nd points were.
4.While it is true that Singapore was once part of Malaysia, the reason why it broke away is different. An undersea earthquake in 1965 caused the bit that is Singapore to break off from the mainland. Efforts to pull it back using ropes and cables failed. So, the local governor in Johor then decided to let it float away.
MNN has sent a compilation of all the inaccuracies to the Ministry of Culture, History and Arts. When contacted, the Minister of Culture, History and Arts only responded “we will form a committee to look into these inaccuracies”.
More historical inaccuracies uncovered
Latthalilat Thamplom, Monyet News Network, 19 January 2012
Putrajaya, 19 January. Triggered by the revelation by Professor Emiretus Khoo Kay Kim that Hang Li Po, Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat did not really exist, Monyet News Network has made its own shocking findings about errors in the official history of the nation. MNN history researchers, Dr Kultip Singh and Dr Robiah Yassin, have discovered gross inaccuracies in many historical events and personalities, after rummaging through the national archives and the archives in England, Netherlands, Portugal, China, India and Bangladesh.According to Dr Rokiah Yassin, the former curator at the National Museum, the MNN team managed to gain access to many hitherto classified documents at the English, Dutch and Portugese national archives. “It was rather shocking to discover that the history that we grew up with was simply not true. How could we have been so careless?. It is so embarrassing. Now we have to go and rewrite all our history books”.
Some of the inaccuracies that Dr Rokiah uncovered include :
1.Parameswara was not a Hindu prince from Palembang and Parameswara was not his real name. He was a textile trader from Tamil Nadu and his real name was Sangglikaruppan Sinnasamy.
2.Contrary to popular belief that the local inhabitants of the Malay peninsula were Hindus during the 8th - 13th century, there is strong enough evidence that they were all Ewoks.
3.The 14th century Majapahit empire, which controlled most of Peninsular Malaysia and the Malay Archipelago, was originally known as the Majamanis Empire. After a series of bitter feuds and internal squabbles, the name was changed to Majapahit to remind its citizens of the bitter feuds.
4.Admiral Cheng Ho, the famed seafarer who was said to have visited and stayed in Malacca in the early 16th century, was not an eunuch. He just had a tiny d**k.
5.The Portugese did not conquer Malacca in 1511. It was the Bangladeshis. A troop of Bangladeshi pirates captured the Portugese armada before it could reach Malacca. Donning Portugese clothes and putting on a Portugese accent, they scared the locals into submission [have you heard a Bangladeshi speak with a Portugese accent ?].
6.Afonso de Albuquerque was actually Afas Albukhari, the leader captain of the Bangladeshi pirates.
7.Penang was established by Mohideen Rawther Kutty, an Indian Muslim money-changer from Kolkata who leased the island from the then Sultan of Kedah in 1785. Francis Light came much later and won the island from Mohideen through a game of poker.
8.Yap Ah Loy established a riverine settlement called Kuala Jernih in 1819. As the river became murkier with the advent of tin mining, he changed its name to Kuala Lumpur.
9.Under the Anglo-Dutch Treaty in 1824, the Dutch gave up Malacca to the British not in exchange for Bencoolen or Sumatra. They exchanged it for 5 barrels of beer and 18 local women.
10.James W.W. Birch, the British Resident of Perak, was not murdered in 1875. One evening he drank too much beer, fell into a river and drowned. There were wounds on his head because a tortoise bit him while he was drowning. Sepuntum, the local bloke, who was accused of the murder, was really a postgrad student studying the ecology of riverine tortoises.
11.The notion that Siam had to unfairly relinquish Kelantan to the British as part of the Anglo-Siam Treaty in 1909 is incorrect. The truth was the Siamese were so irritated by the antics of Nik Aziz, who was (already) the Menteri Besar of Kelantan then – that they voluntarily gave up the state to the British.
12.The Japanese did not surrender in 1945. They just went into hiding and resurfaced in 1980’s to build the many electronics factories that we see today. Some Japanese are still hiding.
The inaccuracies discovered by Dr Kultip Singh include :
1.The Brookes of Sarawak were a bunch of bankrupts from England whose real family name was Broke. They were really broke, penniless. They made their fortune in Sarawak.
2.Sabah’s original name was Sa. When the British asked the locals “apa nama negeri kamu?’, the answer was always “Sa bah”. Hence the name Sabah stuck on.
3.The 1963 union between Sabah and Malaya was based on a 22-point agreement. During the signing ceremony, someone spilled coffee over the agreement and untill today, no one really knows what the 21st and 22nd points were.
4.While it is true that Singapore was once part of Malaysia, the reason why it broke away is different. An undersea earthquake in 1965 caused the bit that is Singapore to break off from the mainland. Efforts to pull it back using ropes and cables failed. So, the local governor in Johor then decided to let it float away.
Monyet News Network
Your most reliable source of unreliable news
9 comments:
ha ha ha ROFLMAO. Monyet King you are the greatest historian
AbuSayat
TQ very much. Saya budak baru belajar. Kalau salah tolong tunjukkan.
Sa...bah...hehehehe.
6.Afonso de Albuquerque was actually Afas Albukhari, the leader captain of the Bangladeshi pirates.
LOL. Big win
good one bro
hilarious..
All hail the new Prof Emeritus Monyet. purrr....meow!
Cat
The position of assistant professor is vacant. Do the cats want to apply ?
LOL!!! Terbaek la MK. I like that point no.4..heheheh
BillytheKid
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